Psalm 139:1: “Oh Lord, you have searched me and know me.”
Praise the Lord!
He wanted to know me, so He found me.
He learned all about who I was, who I am, and who I will become.
He knows my faults better than anyone, better then even me.
He knows the parts I am ashamed of and the secrets hidden away.
Yet, He loves all of me without a thought of regret or shame.
When I am lost in the valley of the shadow of death, He loves me.
When I procrastinate leaving the beauty of the mountain top, He loves me.
When I stubbornly insist to live life my way, He loves me.
When I admit I need His help, He loves me.
He wants me. He knows me. He unconditionally loves me.
Praise the Lord!
I do not know what I want to do for the rest of my life.
There I said it. I may be the only on who is like this, but I don’t think I can be. Am I really the only person my age who doesn’t have any plans for the immediate or distant future? According to Facebook I am. It appears that I am the only person with out a steady job or internship, therefore I must be the only person who does not know what I want to do for the rest of my life.
That dosen’t make sense because I went to a four year university and earned a Bachlor of Arts in Media Communications where I specifically studied films. So I should want to go into the film industry, but I don’t know where! Or maybe I am already burnt out on my career of choice and want to do something else for a change. But what?!
I don’t know; I don’t know; I don’t know. I have no clue what my next step is or when I am supposed to take it. I don’t know what job I am going to have or where I am going to live for the rest of my life. I don’t know if I am going to have the same career as my major or if it will be something completely different. Sometimes I want to give up because I just don’t know.
But what I do know is that God creates good for those who love Him and lives according to His will for their entire lives. Sometimes that means not knowing what is coming up next, and I don’t like that, but if God is in control of my life then I guess it’s ok for me not to know everything. He has a plan, He loves me, and I trust Him. Somedays are going to be good ones, and others are going to knock me down; lately it’s been the latter. But I’m not giving up, even if I am the only one among my peers without a clue.
It seems like every day I learn more and more that it is one thing to have the head knowledge of a Christian, but it is another thing entirely to live it out day to day. This happened to me again this past December.
I was under a heavy spiritual attack about a month ago. It was nothing like I had ever experienced, and it scared me. I didn’t know what to do, how to pray or protect myself. I would put on the Armor of God, but I did not know how to step into the authority of being a Child of God. I was truly terrified and I didn’t know how to overcome my fear. With help from my parents and my grandma, I gradually began to understand what type of power I have as God’s daughter. I read Psalms 90 almost every day, and as I read it I was able to take the promises God makes and believe and accept them for myself. I began to understand how ready God is to protect me, and I needed to trust that He would protect me despite how I may feel on any given day.
But most importantly, I learned how to step into the authority I have as a Child of God. I’ve learned not to give the Devil an inch when I rebuke him. I learned that Jesus gave me the same authority that He has (Mark 16:17-18), and when I use it I don’t ask, beg or plead; I command in Jesus’ name for freedom and deliverance. I now know that I don’t have to wait on God to give me authority or permission to act in authority. It has already been given to me; I just had to accept it. Now that I have, the way I face the enemy and the world is going to be very different.
Ordinary….ordinary…simples things we take them for granted every day. An ordinary day at work, an ordinary homework assignment, an ordinary dinner, and an ordinary night are all things we do every day without thinking about. We do them so often that we forget how to find the extraordinary in the ordinary. We forget how blessed we are to have a job, that we are given a chance to learn about the world through our homework assignment. We forget how blessed we are that food is on the table, and how beautiful the stars are at night.
I told my friend the other night how lucky I feel that I can stand in the middle of campus and look straight up and clearly see the stars. The only other place I could do that was in Africa where I could see the Milky Way. But here I am in Central Kentucky and though I can’t see the Milky Way, I can still lie in the grass and pick out constellations without lights from buildings drowning them out.
Children are the best at finding the extraordinary in the ordinary. They see the world for what it was meant to be: Beautiful, Wondrous, Adventurous, and Good. Grown-ups see the world for what they have come to know it as: Hard, Cruel, Unforgiving, and Sad. The more I grow older, the more I realize I am joining the “every day grind.” I have to fight to keep my innocence and to see the beauty in the ordinary. Once I loose sight of the extraordinary, everything becomes ordinary…. and life looses its wonder.
So my Five Minute Friday became a Fifteen Minute Sunday, but better late than never, right? Linking up with Lisa-Jo and the other wonderful Five Minute Friday ladies to ponder the word ‘Ordinary.’ Join us next week! It’s a lot of fun!!
Not going to lie, when I first saw the word for today I hoped I was looking at the wrong post. Being honest and truthful with myself is very difficult for me to do, mostly because I don’t always know what that looks like. If you were to ask me what my “true self” was, I wouldn’t know how the answer. I hope I would answer “Daughter of Christ,” but who knows if that would be the first thing that comes to my mind.
When I tried to answer that question, I tried not to think about it.
I am not an open person. It can take me over a year to warm up to someone and trust them completely. Even then, it doesn’t always happen that way.
Maybe it’s because I’m scared of getting hurt. Of getting abandoned. Of being rejected. But mostly getting abandoned.
It’s happened before, I just can’t remember by whom. I just know the scars are there. People will move in and out of my life, as I get older I’m learning this more and more. but there is a difference between moving in and out and abandoning a person. The latter kind hurts more than anyone knows. But the thing is, I’m scared I do it to others. I don’t want to, I don’t mean to. But sometimes I think I get distracted by my own busy life and forget to care about the people around me.
And for that, I’m sorry.
This is me writing for five-six minutes without editing and with honesty. It’s not easy; but I won’t stop being honest with myself and others.
Linking-up with Lisa-Jo and other fmf ladies is something I’m starting to look forward to every week. Enjoy.