He Knows Me, and He Still Loves Me

Psalm 139:1: “Oh Lord, you have searched me and know me.”

Praise the Lord!

He wanted to know me, so He found me.

He learned all about who I was, who I am, and who I will become.

He knows my faults better than anyone, better then even me.

He knows the parts I am ashamed of and the secrets hidden away.

Yet, He loves all of me without a thought of regret or shame.

When I am lost in the valley of the shadow of death, He loves me.

When I procrastinate leaving the beauty of the mountain top, He loves me.

When I stubbornly insist to live life my way, He loves me.

When I admit I need His help, He loves me.

He wants me. He knows me. He unconditionally loves me.

Praise the Lord!

 

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Five Minute Friday: Fill

I want to be filled up with God.

That sentence sounds funny at first glance, but let me explain myself.

God is love. God is the purest and truest form of love ever to be recorded in the history of the universe and even outside of time itself. His love is so powerful that it can bring the dead to life. I want that love, I want to be that love so I can share it with the people around me; not just my friends and family but also with Chris, who I met once at the FedEx store, and the checkout clerk at Whole Foods, and the mom with two kids in the seat next to me on the plane ride home. I want to be so full of God that when people look at me they don’t see me, but instead they see God’s love for them.

And I know that if I am full of God’s love, then I will be better than okay because I will be living every moment of every day in God’s love. And even though I have no clue what my future looks like, being filled up with God is the best life I could ever dream of.

 

Five Minute Friday is when a group of us write for 5 minutes without editing to make us look perfect on the internet.

Failing Love

How many times a month do I sing about God’s unfailing love? There are lots of songs that are centered on theme of God’s unfailing, unending, unconditional love for humanity. I like to sing them because they remind me that though life is hard, God’s love for me will never end. But last night I got to thinking, do I love God with the same unconditional love He gives me? When I am physically in pain, stressed out and anxious do I become frustrated with God for letting these things happen to me? Or do I love Him despite how I feel? Is my love for God conditional on how my day goes or is it unconditional?

My goal in life is to become like Christ in everything I do; that includes how I love Him. I can count all the times I told God I want to love Him unconditionally on one finger; and today was the first time I told Him that. Honestly, I am disappointed in myself for accepting God’s unfailing love for me and not giving Him the same type of love in return. How I love should not be dictated by the situations in which I find myself. My love should be focused on Christ and His mercy for me instead. Thankfully, I have received my wake up call and will no longer let pain, anxiety, and stress keep me from loving God unconditionally every day.

I Recognize Myself in Celebrities

What is there to say that hasn’t been said already? People have already written so responses to the VMAs that my head is spinning. Some I agree with, and some I don’t. But I do know I don’t despise anyone for the choices they made there. Instead, my heart simply breaks for them.

Why would it break? I can promise you it’s not because I think I’m better because I’m in my little corner where I’ve done nothing bad in my life (which isn’t true, just to be clear). My heart breaks for them because I remember. I remember life before Jesus. I remember the need to do my own thing so people respect me. I remember the desire to be loved but not stopping to ask myself how do I let that happen? How do I let down the walls around my heart so I can experience love? I didn’t know and I didn’t care. I was happy to do my own thing while assuring people that I was following Christ.

I remember when I finally found the courage to stop running and ask God and myself the tough questions. Why? Why do I feel this way? I thought everything was supposed to be better after my “conversion” in 8th grade. Why do I care about what people say about me? Why do I always try to impress them? I want to be me. I wanted so desperately to be the “real me,” but I had no clue who the real me was. If I didn’t know who I was, how can I be real?

I remember reaching rock bottom.

Not many people have reached rock bottom. The way you get there is always different, but you know it when you’ve reached it.

Rock bottom is lonely, and you have no sense of direction to know where you should go next, what you should do to get out. Your only thought is how wretched you are. You see yourself, your real self, for the first time.

In my moment of horror of my wretched self, I remember how God immediately came to my side and told me He loved me. He loved me! That’s all He said, and He said it again, and again, and again!

“I love you. I love you. I love you.”

Those three words were the only things that drew me out of rock bottom. I did nothing. I could do nothing to pull myself out from the pit I was in. All I could do was sit and soak in God’s love for me.

When I watch people breakout in anger against celebrities, I can’t join them. How I live my life is all I should focus on, not how they live theirs.

Sometimes, though, I do wonder if there’s anything I can do to help. I’m just a girl from Northern Virginia who’s been living in Kentucky for the past three years, what can I do? And God reminds me that all I can do is pray. And since I already know I can’t do anything, I let the God who can do something act.