Claiming Christ’s Authority

It seems like every day I learn more and more that it is one thing to have the head knowledge of a Christian, but it is another thing entirely to live it out day to day. This happened to me again this past December.

I was under a heavy spiritual attack about a month ago. It was nothing like I had ever experienced, and it scared me. I didn’t know what to do, how to pray or protect myself. I would put on the Armor of God, but I did not know how to step into the authority of being a Child of God. I was truly terrified and I didn’t know how to overcome my fear. With help from my parents and my grandma, I gradually began to understand what type of power I have as God’s daughter. I read Psalms 90 almost every day, and as I read it I was able to take the promises God makes and believe and accept them for myself. I began to understand how ready God is to protect me, and I needed to trust that He would protect me despite how I may feel on any given day.

But most importantly, I learned how to step into the authority I have as a Child of God. I’ve learned not to give the Devil an inch when I rebuke him. I learned that Jesus gave me the same authority that He has (Mark 16:17-18), and when I use it I don’t ask, beg or plead; I command in Jesus’ name for freedom and deliverance. I now know that I don’t have to wait on God to give me authority or permission to act in authority. It has already been given to me; I just had to accept it. Now that I have, the way I face the enemy and the world is going to be very different.

I Have Been Changed for Good…Thank You

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

I hope you all had a wonderful day, wherever you spent it. Today was a particularly special day because I got to spend it with my family while we played games and ate some really good food!! Before we ate, my uncle suggested that we go around and say something that we’re thankful for from this past year. I wanted to share mine with you all. : )

I’m super thankful that I was able to come home for Thanksgiving and spend it with my immediate family as well as some very special extended family. There isn’t a big enough word to describe how fiercely I love my family. They’re supportive, loving, kind, and funny, and they clearly love God with all their hearts. I’m also thankful for my major. I am so blessed to be going to a school where I can learn about film and visual storytelling and be encouraged by my professors to continue to discover and follow my passions. I never thought visual storytelling would be for me, but now I can’t imagine doing anything else. I am so blessed.

I’m also thankful for my wonderful roommates. They can make me laugh on my worst days, they take care of me when I get sick and give me grace when I forget to do my chores on time (sorry girls!). We are there for one another every single day, and I know God has blessed our apartment. I’m also thankful for all my friends who have stood by me through good times and bad. These are the friends who will go on crazy, random weekend adventures with me, who will take my calls and talk on the phone with me for hours after we’ve already mentioned that we have to keep it short because we’re so busy, and friends who encourage me in my relationship with Jesus, inspire me, and challenge me to be a better person every single day.

To all of you who have influenced my life: I thank you, and am thankful for you.

Houston, We Had a Problem…

I knew going into the semester that it would be a hard one. I needed both my hands to count how many projects I was committed to working on before I even arrived at school. Between homework and film projects I didn’t anticipate on having much of a social life. I figured that would happen on film sets and running into friends in between classes. At the beginning of the semester, people would ask me how often they would see me once they found out about my crazy semester. I would give them a knowing smile and say, “We’ll have to see.” I knew the likelihood of me actually spending time with friends outside of class like I have the past three years would be slim, but I had hope that it would work out. It was a small hope, I admit, but a hope.

Then October hit.

I knew it was going to be a rough month, but I had no idea. Even though projects were getting stressful and hectic, I thought I had everything under control. What a joke. The past two weekends I was supposed to be filming my Intro to Directing project. But two days before our first day of filming I found out we had to cancel because of logistical reasons. That rocked my week. There I was, mentally prepared to make a huge dent in my project, and the carpet was pulled from right under my feet.  Beautiful. A week later, I had a meltdown in my car on a Sunday night because I was dreading every piece of homework I had to do in the upcoming week. I realized if things continued the way they were, I wouldn’t be able to handle it like a sane person should.

I was getting upset with God because I couldn’t understand why He was letting so much stress and worry into my life. Couldn’t He see that I couldn’t handle it? Couldn’t He tell it was too much for me? Did He miss that part that where the stress was choking me? Then I realized that life has its ups and downs.

Some months are really great, just really fantastic months, and you can’t help but think things are going to stay that way for a long time. And then your October hits. I don’t know what it is for you, but mine is full of big projects in several classes, midterms, and scheduling (which I’m not great at). By the grace of God, I managed to reduce my workload and things are starting to look up, but I’m not in the clear yet. I still have a long way to go, but I’m okay with that. I’ve given up control over the outcome of my projects and have entrusted it to God. In a way I was forced the to loose control of everything, and that helped me realize I’m not supposed to be in control in the first place. Trying to control every single little detail of my life is exhausting, stressful, and chaotic. Everything goes wrong at the worst possible moment, and I stress and freak out over it as I try to piece everything together.

I know there will be other Octobers in my life, but maybe this one will prepare me for a different October in my life. And maybe I’ll be able to look back and be thankful for learning the lessons the October of 2013 taught me. I think I will, but right now I’m not in control; and that’s okay by me.

I Recognize Myself in Celebrities

What is there to say that hasn’t been said already? People have already written so responses to the VMAs that my head is spinning. Some I agree with, and some I don’t. But I do know I don’t despise anyone for the choices they made there. Instead, my heart simply breaks for them.

Why would it break? I can promise you it’s not because I think I’m better because I’m in my little corner where I’ve done nothing bad in my life (which isn’t true, just to be clear). My heart breaks for them because I remember. I remember life before Jesus. I remember the need to do my own thing so people respect me. I remember the desire to be loved but not stopping to ask myself how do I let that happen? How do I let down the walls around my heart so I can experience love? I didn’t know and I didn’t care. I was happy to do my own thing while assuring people that I was following Christ.

I remember when I finally found the courage to stop running and ask God and myself the tough questions. Why? Why do I feel this way? I thought everything was supposed to be better after my “conversion” in 8th grade. Why do I care about what people say about me? Why do I always try to impress them? I want to be me. I wanted so desperately to be the “real me,” but I had no clue who the real me was. If I didn’t know who I was, how can I be real?

I remember reaching rock bottom.

Not many people have reached rock bottom. The way you get there is always different, but you know it when you’ve reached it.

Rock bottom is lonely, and you have no sense of direction to know where you should go next, what you should do to get out. Your only thought is how wretched you are. You see yourself, your real self, for the first time.

In my moment of horror of my wretched self, I remember how God immediately came to my side and told me He loved me. He loved me! That’s all He said, and He said it again, and again, and again!

“I love you. I love you. I love you.”

Those three words were the only things that drew me out of rock bottom. I did nothing. I could do nothing to pull myself out from the pit I was in. All I could do was sit and soak in God’s love for me.

When I watch people breakout in anger against celebrities, I can’t join them. How I live my life is all I should focus on, not how they live theirs.

Sometimes, though, I do wonder if there’s anything I can do to help. I’m just a girl from Northern Virginia who’s been living in Kentucky for the past three years, what can I do? And God reminds me that all I can do is pray. And since I already know I can’t do anything, I let the God who can do something act.