He Knows Me, and He Still Loves Me

Psalm 139:1: “Oh Lord, you have searched me and know me.”

Praise the Lord!

He wanted to know me, so He found me.

He learned all about who I was, who I am, and who I will become.

He knows my faults better than anyone, better then even me.

He knows the parts I am ashamed of and the secrets hidden away.

Yet, He loves all of me without a thought of regret or shame.

When I am lost in the valley of the shadow of death, He loves me.

When I procrastinate leaving the beauty of the mountain top, He loves me.

When I stubbornly insist to live life my way, He loves me.

When I admit I need His help, He loves me.

He wants me. He knows me. He unconditionally loves me.

Praise the Lord!

 

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Claiming Christ’s Authority

It seems like every day I learn more and more that it is one thing to have the head knowledge of a Christian, but it is another thing entirely to live it out day to day. This happened to me again this past December.

I was under a heavy spiritual attack about a month ago. It was nothing like I had ever experienced, and it scared me. I didn’t know what to do, how to pray or protect myself. I would put on the Armor of God, but I did not know how to step into the authority of being a Child of God. I was truly terrified and I didn’t know how to overcome my fear. With help from my parents and my grandma, I gradually began to understand what type of power I have as God’s daughter. I read Psalms 90 almost every day, and as I read it I was able to take the promises God makes and believe and accept them for myself. I began to understand how ready God is to protect me, and I needed to trust that He would protect me despite how I may feel on any given day.

But most importantly, I learned how to step into the authority I have as a Child of God. I’ve learned not to give the Devil an inch when I rebuke him. I learned that Jesus gave me the same authority that He has (Mark 16:17-18), and when I use it I don’t ask, beg or plead; I command in Jesus’ name for freedom and deliverance. I now know that I don’t have to wait on God to give me authority or permission to act in authority. It has already been given to me; I just had to accept it. Now that I have, the way I face the enemy and the world is going to be very different.

I Recognize Myself in Celebrities

What is there to say that hasn’t been said already? People have already written so responses to the VMAs that my head is spinning. Some I agree with, and some I don’t. But I do know I don’t despise anyone for the choices they made there. Instead, my heart simply breaks for them.

Why would it break? I can promise you it’s not because I think I’m better because I’m in my little corner where I’ve done nothing bad in my life (which isn’t true, just to be clear). My heart breaks for them because I remember. I remember life before Jesus. I remember the need to do my own thing so people respect me. I remember the desire to be loved but not stopping to ask myself how do I let that happen? How do I let down the walls around my heart so I can experience love? I didn’t know and I didn’t care. I was happy to do my own thing while assuring people that I was following Christ.

I remember when I finally found the courage to stop running and ask God and myself the tough questions. Why? Why do I feel this way? I thought everything was supposed to be better after my “conversion” in 8th grade. Why do I care about what people say about me? Why do I always try to impress them? I want to be me. I wanted so desperately to be the “real me,” but I had no clue who the real me was. If I didn’t know who I was, how can I be real?

I remember reaching rock bottom.

Not many people have reached rock bottom. The way you get there is always different, but you know it when you’ve reached it.

Rock bottom is lonely, and you have no sense of direction to know where you should go next, what you should do to get out. Your only thought is how wretched you are. You see yourself, your real self, for the first time.

In my moment of horror of my wretched self, I remember how God immediately came to my side and told me He loved me. He loved me! That’s all He said, and He said it again, and again, and again!

“I love you. I love you. I love you.”

Those three words were the only things that drew me out of rock bottom. I did nothing. I could do nothing to pull myself out from the pit I was in. All I could do was sit and soak in God’s love for me.

When I watch people breakout in anger against celebrities, I can’t join them. How I live my life is all I should focus on, not how they live theirs.

Sometimes, though, I do wonder if there’s anything I can do to help. I’m just a girl from Northern Virginia who’s been living in Kentucky for the past three years, what can I do? And God reminds me that all I can do is pray. And since I already know I can’t do anything, I let the God who can do something act.