Five Minute Friday: Lost

Getting lost doesn’t normally scare me. I’m the type of person who likes to get lost in the woods or city in order to better explore it; I like to loose track of time as I wander. However, when it comes to planing out my future, I don’t like the “lost” feeling that coming with it. I don’t like feeling helpless as I stare into the unknown. I am vulnerable and exposed when I don’t have a set plan for my future, and I don’t like it. I hate not knowing things, it makes me feel useless and ignorant.
Lately, I’ve been dealing with all of those emotions as I try and plan out my life. But the more I do that the more I realize I can’t because I don’t know what’s coming, I don’t know what exactly the future holds. It’s easy to let the feeling of being lost overwhelm me to the point where all I can do is sit in my house and stare listlessly at the walls, unsure of where to go, unsure of what I’m supposed to do, unsure if I am waiting on someone or if I need to make the first move.
It’s easy to get stuck there, it’s another thing to stand up and take back control of my emotions and feelings and thoughts and fears about the future. I don’t have to let the feeling of being lost control me anymore.

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Linking up with Lisa-Jo and the FMF writers again! We “free write” for five minutes about one topic without editing the post when we’re done. It’s a chance to let it out and learn from each other. 🙂 You can check out her blog, and other FMF posts, here. Enjoy!

I Am Clueless

I do not know what I want to do for the rest of my life.

There I said it. I may be the only on who is like this, but I don’t think I can be. Am I really the only person my age who doesn’t have any plans for the immediate or distant future? According to Facebook I am. It appears that I am the only person with out a steady job or internship, therefore I must be the only person who does not know what I want to do for the rest of my life.

That dosen’t make sense because I went to a four year university and earned a Bachlor of Arts in Media Communications where I specifically studied films. So I should want to go into the film industry, but I don’t know where! Or maybe I am already burnt out on my career of choice and want to do something else for a change. But what?!

I don’t know; I don’t know; I don’t know. I have no clue what my next step is or when I am supposed to take it. I don’t know what job I am going to have or where I am going to live for the rest of my life. I don’t know if I am going to have the same career as my major or if it will be something completely different. Sometimes I want to give up because I just don’t know.

But what I do know is that God creates good for those who love Him and lives according to His will for their entire lives. Sometimes that means not knowing what is coming up next, and I don’t like that, but if God is in control of my life then I guess it’s ok for me not to know everything. He has a plan, He loves me, and I trust Him. Somedays are going to be good ones, and others are going to knock me down; lately it’s been the latter. But I’m not giving up, even if I am the only one among my peers without a clue.