Houston, We Had a Problem…

I knew going into the semester that it would be a hard one. I needed both my hands to count how many projects I was committed to working on before I even arrived at school. Between homework and film projects I didn’t anticipate on having much of a social life. I figured that would happen on film sets and running into friends in between classes. At the beginning of the semester, people would ask me how often they would see me once they found out about my crazy semester. I would give them a knowing smile and say, “We’ll have to see.” I knew the likelihood of me actually spending time with friends outside of class like I have the past three years would be slim, but I had hope that it would work out. It was a small hope, I admit, but a hope.

Then October hit.

I knew it was going to be a rough month, but I had no idea. Even though projects were getting stressful and hectic, I thought I had everything under control. What a joke. The past two weekends I was supposed to be filming my Intro to Directing project. But two days before our first day of filming I found out we had to cancel because of logistical reasons. That rocked my week. There I was, mentally prepared to make a huge dent in my project, and the carpet was pulled from right under my feet.  Beautiful. A week later, I had a meltdown in my car on a Sunday night because I was dreading every piece of homework I had to do in the upcoming week. I realized if things continued the way they were, I wouldn’t be able to handle it like a sane person should.

I was getting upset with God because I couldn’t understand why He was letting so much stress and worry into my life. Couldn’t He see that I couldn’t handle it? Couldn’t He tell it was too much for me? Did He miss that part that where the stress was choking me? Then I realized that life has its ups and downs.

Some months are really great, just really fantastic months, and you can’t help but think things are going to stay that way for a long time. And then your October hits. I don’t know what it is for you, but mine is full of big projects in several classes, midterms, and scheduling (which I’m not great at). By the grace of God, I managed to reduce my workload and things are starting to look up, but I’m not in the clear yet. I still have a long way to go, but I’m okay with that. I’ve given up control over the outcome of my projects and have entrusted it to God. In a way I was forced the to loose control of everything, and that helped me realize I’m not supposed to be in control in the first place. Trying to control every single little detail of my life is exhausting, stressful, and chaotic. Everything goes wrong at the worst possible moment, and I stress and freak out over it as I try to piece everything together.

I know there will be other Octobers in my life, but maybe this one will prepare me for a different October in my life. And maybe I’ll be able to look back and be thankful for learning the lessons the October of 2013 taught me. I think I will, but right now I’m not in control; and that’s okay by me.

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Ordinary – Five Minute Friday…on a Sunday

Ordinary….ordinary…simples things we take them for granted every day. An ordinary day at work, an ordinary homework assignment, an ordinary dinner, and an ordinary night are all things we do every day without thinking about. We do them so often that we forget how to find the extraordinary in the ordinary. We forget how blessed we are to have a job, that we are given a chance to learn about the world through our homework assignment. We forget how blessed we are that food is on the table, and how beautiful the stars are at night.

I told my friend the other night how lucky I feel that I can stand in the middle of campus and look straight up and clearly see the stars. The only other place I could do that was in Africa where I could see the Milky Way. But here I am in Central Kentucky and though I can’t see the Milky Way, I can still lie in the grass and pick out constellations without lights from buildings drowning them out.

Children are the best at finding the extraordinary in the ordinary. They see the world for what it was meant to be: Beautiful, Wondrous, Adventurous, and Good. Grown-ups see the world for what they have come to know it as: Hard, Cruel, Unforgiving, and Sad. The more I grow older, the more I realize I am joining the “every day grind.” I have to fight to keep my innocence and to see the beauty in the ordinary. Once I loose sight of the extraordinary, everything becomes ordinary…. and life looses its wonder.

So my Five Minute Friday became a Fifteen Minute Sunday, but better late than never, right? Linking up with Lisa-Jo and the other wonderful Five Minute Friday ladies to ponder the word ‘Ordinary.’ Join us next week! It’s a lot of fun!!

Write – Five Minute Friday

Wow, such a simple word but I don’t know where to start writing (haha! get it! I’m so punny….)

What to write about is one of the tough questions a writer must face. Such anyone can get an idea for a novel, a short story, a movie, or a blog post, but it’s turning those ideas into something written that’s tricky. That’s part of the fun, but it can also be aggravating. I fondly think of it as “banging-your-head-against-a-wall-until-the-words-you-are-trying-to-use-to-describe-some-feeling-finally-click” or “tearing your hair out trying to make two important ideas connect.”

I have several “dream jobs.” One of them is to be a writer. I don’t know what kind yet, book author or screenwriter, or what genre, though I really like Adolescent Lit and Children’s movies. I was just talking to my roommate the other day how I would love to be a writer, but honestly it will take me at least until I’m 30 or 40 before it can be a full time career. And honestly, I would like to do other things to support myself too, like camera operate for film or TV!

But writing…writing comes naturally to me. It’s a way I can recharge and be myself with characters that I created and have their own little quirks. Writing’s fun, and I hope I never get too old or too busy to take time to write.

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As you can tell, today’s word was write. A slight challenge since there’s so much to be said of such a small word, but fun nevertheless. Check out Lisa-Jo’s post about the word write too!