Five Minute Friday – True

Not going to lie, when I first saw the word for today I hoped I was looking at the wrong post. Being honest and truthful with myself is very difficult for me to do, mostly because I don’t always know what that looks like. If you were to ask me what my “true self” was, I wouldn’t know how the answer. I hope I would answer “Daughter of Christ,” but who knows if that would be the first thing that comes to my mind.

When I tried to answer that question, I tried not to think about it.

I am not an open person. It can take me over a year to warm up to someone and trust them completely. Even then, it doesn’t always happen that way.

Maybe it’s because I’m scared of getting hurt. Of getting abandoned. Of being rejected. But mostly getting abandoned.

It’s happened before, I just can’t remember by whom. I just know the scars are there. People will move in and out of my life, as I get older I’m learning this more and more. but there is a difference between moving in and out and abandoning a person. The latter kind hurts more than anyone knows. But the thing is, I’m scared I do it to others. I don’t want to, I don’t mean to. But sometimes I think I get distracted by my own busy life and forget to care about the people around me.

And for that, I’m sorry.

 

 

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This is me writing for five-six minutes without editing and with honesty. It’s not easy; but I won’t stop being honest with myself and others.

Linking-up with Lisa-Jo and other fmf ladies is something I’m starting to look forward to every week. Enjoy.

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7 thoughts on “Five Minute Friday – True

  1. I agree that it is scary to be open. You did well to tackle this prompt and what it means for you. Thank you so much for sharing honestly tonight. It took courage and you did it well.

  2. Many years ago, when I needed friends, the three people I thought I could trust all simultaneously told me straight out that they would not be there for me, that they could no longer be my friends and moved out of my life. I was trapped in an abusive relationship and wasn’t able to free myself yet. When I was ready, I had no one to turn to or to ask for help as my “friends” had long ago made their feelings clear and were adamant they were unprepared to help. The lesson for me was to trust with caution. I play my cards close to my chest too, but I am learning to open up. I used to make friends easily, but not so much these days. I understand your situation very well.

  3. It is amazing how sometimes you can have scars from wounds you can’t quite remember getting or even who inflicted them yet the scars and pain are there just the same. It can take time and a lot of determination to try and move past them. Thank you for doing that a bit by sharing this with us…

  4. I think that the kind of close friendships that I’d wish to have don’t come around often. Someone once told me that I could be who I was and that was enough. Those who will like me, will like me. As an introvert, friendships I make end up being pretty deep cause I don’t do surface friendships very well. But yes, it takes time, and risk. True friendship isn’t forced. 😉

  5. You showed lots of courage in your take on this. Friendship requires a level of intimacy that can be really really hard if you’ve been hurt in the past. Lisa is right, true friendship isn’t forced. I’m a very open person (super extrovert here) who wants to be friends with everyone on some sort of level. Just recently I’ve had to let a few friendships go because they were too toxic and stressful for me. I’m sure that I caused some pain there, but it what was best for my family and I.

  6. Thank you, everyone! You all have been super encouraging to me, and told me things I needed to hear. : )

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