Not going to lie, when I first saw the word for today I hoped I was looking at the wrong post. Being honest and truthful with myself is very difficult for me to do, mostly because I don’t always know what that looks like. If you were to ask me what my “true self” was, I wouldn’t know how the answer. I hope I would answer “Daughter of Christ,” but who knows if that would be the first thing that comes to my mind.
When I tried to answer that question, I tried not to think about it.
I am not an open person. It can take me over a year to warm up to someone and trust them completely. Even then, it doesn’t always happen that way.
Maybe it’s because I’m scared of getting hurt. Of getting abandoned. Of being rejected. But mostly getting abandoned.
It’s happened before, I just can’t remember by whom. I just know the scars are there. People will move in and out of my life, as I get older I’m learning this more and more. but there is a difference between moving in and out and abandoning a person. The latter kind hurts more than anyone knows. But the thing is, I’m scared I do it to others. I don’t want to, I don’t mean to. But sometimes I think I get distracted by my own busy life and forget to care about the people around me.
And for that, I’m sorry.
This is me writing for five-six minutes without editing and with honesty. It’s not easy; but I won’t stop being honest with myself and others.
Linking-up with Lisa-Jo and other fmf ladies is something I’m starting to look forward to every week. Enjoy.